Sperm Data Storage (SDS) - A new way to expand your storage space

Introduction to SDS: Sperm Data Storage

Written By Moophz Himself and Mohamad Chammas.

Did you know that a single sperm contains 37.5 MB of DNA information?

Meaning that, during 3 seconds long ejaculation, more than 11,250 TERA bytes of information is transmitted / ejected.
11,250 Terabytes can be transmitted into approx. 11, 250, 00 Gigabytes or 11,250,000,000 Megabytes. In other words, it would take you 2853 years to download a 3 seconds long ejaculation on a 1 Mbps connection.

This is an astonishing number. Forget everything you know about fiber optics, you have a faster, more reliable and never ending information transmitter!

What are these 37.5 MB of information that are contained in the sperm?

Well, quite simply, because DNA is the "digital document" your body "reads" to determine how to grow.

Imagine the DNA a chain of "codes", each code is characteristic of a trait you have. There is a code for blue eyes, a code for black eyes, a code for green eyes, a code for black hair, brown hair, a code for long arms, short arms, big elbows, small elbows.

World wide Hard disks industry crisis

On the other hand, data storage and hard disk drives are the most limited entities price and technological wise in data centers. This fact was recently enforced by the most scandalous crisis in history of hard disk industry, in Thailand, after the flood that crippled the 3 monsters producers Toshiba, Seagate and Western digital.

This put us in front of a fact that "we are running out of storage unexpectedly in the midst of production" is all too common in the era of the enterprise data explosion.

Introduction to SDS (DNA Data Storage)

Back to Sperms DNA:  DNA Information is what determines how you turn out, how you look like. 37.5 MB of organic, information, a set of questions lie within:

  • Why can we not use Sperms for computerized data storage?
  • Why can we not profit from space provided by sperm for DNA and replace it by computerized digital data?
  • Imagine turning digital information into organic information on the molecular size as a cluster.
  • Imagine men having their personal data in their balls.
  • Imagine a new world where women become hackers, chasing men data.

Advantages

This study might be awkward and weird for some, if so, leave your box and think twice. SDS if implemented, many advantages can be found:

  • World wide data storage maximization (besides of the current existing devices). This is the purpose of this white paper.
  • Reduction of physical disk space consumption.
  • Existence of new working sector with new job opportunities for unemployed.
  • Eases portability (no more hearing about: I forgot my USB at work)
  • Global warming minimization.
  • Increases personal incomes.

IT/Biology Solutions Overview and Challenges:

Data transfer

By avoiding sending data through unsecured networks and unreliable paths, with SDS (Sperm Data Storage), data transfer becomes more secure profiting from a direct peer to peer protected channel during transaction.

Backup and recovery

Technical limitation can occur when talking about Sperm age. After ejaculation, the life span of sperm depends on the environmental conditions. A sperm can age around 5 days or longer if kept in a secured environment. Data restitution occurs as long as a sperm is alive.

Cloud computing

"Cloud computing is Internet-based computing, whereby shared resources, software, and information are provided to computers and other devices on demand, like the electricity grid." -  (Wikipedia)
By binding SDS to the cloud concept, thanks to the womb as being the best natural environment that can be found for a sperm to survive; cloud services can be considered as the future of mankind. Now take a breath...and imagine The big human cloud, with all the cloud services that can be provided.
As for the time being, future and realistic projections toward cloud computing cannot be done, the concept still suffers from multiple flaws that no ultimate solution has ever been provided "yet".

Data security v/s Information leakage

Another challenge lies within: data security and private information leakage. This can be considered as solved as long as the holder is aware of all security threats that might affect his data. In other words, saved data should be kept away from malicious hackers. The most important threat is unprotected intercourses. Many solutions can be provided, such as, securing intercourse by using condoms or also using Data encryption...

Personal Security:

Walking down the streets having a million bucks in your pocket is not recommended for a personal security, same applies for roaming with your valuable private and confidential data between your legs. This will increase kicks'n'punches between legs and Men Raping.

Data holder should be equipped by a Jockstrap with a Protective cup (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jockstrap) or by a defensive weapon such as an electroshock (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electroshock_weapon).

Sexual life

“Ask not what SDS can do for you - ask what you can do for SDS.”

As a first thought, it’s natural for an unfamiliar person with SDS to consider that it will directly affect the holder’s sexual life, but it’s not the point.

If you have sex every day, or worse, masturbate furiously, then chances are that your sperm count and semen density will not be up to par. It's quite simple actually, the more often the ejaculation is done, the less dense the semen will be, and the less storage space will be available.

Additional information for additional storage space

Some precautions should be taken in consideration in order to increase your storage space for saving data:

  • Quit smoking, it affects the sperm count.
  • Remove the heat and keep your little friends in a cold place.
  • Start eating right, chose your food as low in fat and rich in protein. Vegetables and whole grains are good for the health.
  • Drink less alcohol because it causes a dramatic rise in estrogens levels.
  • Have less sex as previously mentioned.

Conclusion: Theory v/s life v/s afterlife

There exist many financial, technical and legal challenges to execute SDS tests on humans.

Legally

Medical tests on human beings have always been rejected socially and religiously, later on they have come to the conclusion that tests on humans is both necessary and desirable for the future of mankind, but only for medical reasons. This poses the question:

Q: When will medical tests on humans are legalized for Information Technology purposes?
A: The time when information technology becomes a purpose of living instead of just a simple need.

Financially

This is a long term multibillion investment projects, support is only expected from governments or terrorist organization. As per expectations, no results can be met before 30 years or more of extensive research depending on the kickoff era.

Technically

Most researches will be oriented into the most challenging part of SDS (both reading and writing), to dig deeper into not just reading and understanding the DNA map, but also altering it (this can also help in cancer cure solutions), the below keywords are expected to take part of the next tests:

  • Organizing data (Digital data transformation into Organic) in order to store them on the DNA map.
  • Deorganizing data (Organic data transformation into digital) in order to extract stored information from DNA.

This opens the mind to build a device called ORGADEO (ORGAnizer-DEOrganizer).

Facing all the previously noted impossibilities, this white paper is an open letter, as it will omnidirectionally be broadcasted into the outer space:

Dear Aliens in the skies, the day you take a final decision to invade mother earth, do not kill humans, do not rape them, abduct them instead and implement SDS, use earth as a remote data storage, for humanity will be useful someday, somehow for the universe as a whole.